Okay, so of course you get the run down from the women in your life who’ve went through pregnancy and so on, but they just jabber on about your basic stuff, like morning sickness and going to the toilet more etc. They don’t go into detail, or WARN you.
What you should get, immediately after knowing you’re pregnant, some form of manual should just appear in front of you, just materialise right there with a cute reassuring chime. In this manual it will go into every gruesome and in depth detail about every aspect of pregnancy, all of the stuff that you really didn’t or don’t want to know will be in that book, a week by week horror story of what you don’t – and never want to – expect when you’re expecting.
I imagine the first few pages would be a disclaimer warning about how not to read it if you’re squeamish or simply want to stay ignorantly bliss to the whole pregnant affair.
Obviously the first annoying thing that kinda kicks in with pregnancy in the early days is morning sickness, yes, people tell you about this, they let you in on the fact that it’s a terrible thing, but you get the “it’s fine, it passes”…They don’t warn you that morning sickness differs from woman to woman, some women don’t even get it at all (gonna go on record as saying that you ladies are lucky, very lucky, you’re not even aware of what you’re not missing out on) but then there’s the women who’s lives are severely altered by sickness during pregnancy, who i feel terribly sorry for. My sickness can range from ‘this aint so bad, i can totally eat’ to ‘oh my god, why does this child hate me and want me to starve to death’. I have good days, i have bad days. On the bad days you’ll find me running to the bathroom like there was a goldmine in there, or sometimes i can be found staring at the open fridge making a ‘urghmeh’ kinda face at every bit of food in there because my appetite was flushed away along with whatever baby didn’t fancy sharing that day, or maybe i’ll be laying around moaning that i’m hungry but i don’t know what i want (my boyfriend loves it when i do that, he also loves it when he tries to help by suggesting food he knows i like and i tell him NO on everything)
I think that has been my biggest annoyance so far, not being able to eat normally. I am so excited to have my appetite back! You’ll find me skipping round a supermarket like i was a child at Disneyland, i’ll be throwing anything and everything in the trolley and eating it all in the same day and no one can stop me!
Another thing that would be contained in this miraculous, magical manual is how tired and achy you get. Seriously, why did no one warn me!? I could have the worlds best nights sleep and wake up feeling fresh as a daisy and then within 2 hours i’m dragging my lifeless corpse along the floor and in need of an energy boost that i would usually obtain by having an energy drink, but i can’t do that now, so i have no idea how to get an energy boost when i’m not eating as much as i should, because i can’t and i’m not allowed drinks containing too much caffeine etc. It’s not just a ‘yawn, i’m sleepy’ kinda tired either, it’s the moody, irritable kinda tired, the kind i imagine my unborn child will showcase quite often. At the moment i’m laid in bed listening to some chilled out music whilst my boyfriend is in the other room playing the Playstation with his room mate, i left because i simply could not be bothered to socialise any longer and i could feel myself getting ratty, i stood up like a grumpy teenager, slumped my way to the door and said “i feel like shit, i’m gonna go lie down and sulk” could i of been any more of a twonk? Sigh.
Onto the aches…Right now, it feels like my hips and pelvis are being pulled apart by horses, little, tiny horses that have little, tiny evil jockeys that have some form of vendetta against me and no matter how much i apologise, they don’t care. It just feels like i have growing pains all over, my back, my knees, my hips, my feet, my legs…I’m not sure if that’s to do with my pregnancy or the fact that i followed my boyfriend round town for what felt like a lifetime whilst he tried on smart clothes for his job. I now know what it feels like to be a male when we go shopping, and fella’s, we’re sorry! In fact, no, i’m not one of those women, i’m a ‘lets go in this shop, oh that’s nice, gonna go to the till, done, let’s eat’ woman, so i’ll just apologise on behalf of the other women, because what i experienced today was something no one should have to go through without some form of prize at the end…I’m still waiting for mine.
If i have a daughter, when she’s old enough or thinking of having children of her own, i will show her this blog. She’ll either laugh in my face and call me a moany cow bag or she’ll never give me grandchildren…We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it though.
I know i must seem like the most negative person in the world to you all and i must seem like the most ungrateful person to have ever fallen pregnant, but i can promise you i’m not. This is my place to get all of this out of me, to have my winge and then carry on being excited. I can’t even tell you how much i’m looking forward to meeting my son or daughter for the first time and seeing who it resembles the most and what little features of it’s dad it has, how excited i am to hear it’s laugh for the first time, to see that first gummy smile and just feel my baby’s closeness when i give it an insane amount of hugs! So don’t worry guys, this baby is going to be so, so loved, but you can bet your arses i’m gonna have a mighty good moan along the way!
pregnancypatienceandme 