Welcome to the second crymester

Eeeek thirteen weeks! I’m not sure if i’m over the moon, piss my pants happy/excited OR freaking out, shit my pants nervous. 
The weeks are flying and i’m feeling less pregnant by the day which i’m all for. Although i did have a relapse and spontaneously throw up whilst brushing my teeth the other night, what a waste of brushing that was, i was too exhausted to brush my teeth once, never mind twice. And the bruise from where my midwife took my bloods and finally  gone! I no longer look like a desperate junkie! 

I’m starting the get the very beginning of what will soon be my bump and it is utterly bizarre! It feels so hard and round and plump, i absolutely love it! My boyfriend is convinced that it’s either a huge poo waiting to happen or a food baby half the time but i can’t keep my hands off it! I’ll be walking round and find myself rubbing away at my plump teeny bump. At this stage i probably look like a woman who’s had the best meal of her life and is very satisfied by this.

Now to catch you all up on recent events…

At the weekend i went to my boyfriends, mums 40th birthday party. Now, to warn you all, i do not cope well in social situations and i can’t help but make this obvious, not on purpose, but it’s obvious when i look shy and nervous, it’s like my boy language looks like an audible scream in body language form. I’m completely fine in these situations if i have a few vodka’s in me, being preggers and all, i couldn’t do that.
So i’m stood waiting to take my seat looking like i want to jump out of the nearest window and clinging to my boyfriends arm as though he was my source of life. 
I was getting introduced to every Tom, Dick and Harry, it didn’t help that i was wearing a girly, floaty dress that wasn’t black like my usual attire and i had my hair down and wavy. (you’d usually find me wearing something all black and baggy with a beanie hat) Everybody was fascinated by my tattoos as well, someone even took a picture of my legs which of course made me go bright red and curl up into my boyfriend like i was a hedgehog. 
I then proceeded to sit in a dark corner with his little brother and roommate for the rest of the night. Don’t get me wrong, i did enjoy myself….Once i got past the crippling nervousness. 

In other news, i done my first proper tattoo today! I got to do one of my own designs which made me even happier! I also get to do BMO from Adventure Time tomorrow which is just perfect for me.
Right now my life is pretty much perfect, i’m the happiest i’ve ever been and it is, no doubt, all because of my boyfriend. I couldn’t be happier that i’m having this amazing mans child and i know for a fact that i wouldn’t be where i am today if it wasn’t for his help and support, he’s truly given me something to strive towards and he’s given me everything i could of ever wanted and then some. I know i get mushy about this guy a lot, but he truly is just a truly brilliant guy that has my heart and everything else.

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If you’re happy and you know it, poop your pants in labour

I am definitely being a lot more graceful and patient with my pregnancy now, whether that’s because I’m almost in my second trimester or I’m just ‘manning up’, it’s definitely a good thing. No longer will be boyfriend have to put up with my constant “I feel sick don’t touch my stomach” line or my infamous “I think I’m hungry but I don’t know what I want” instead he gets his girl back, the one he fell in love with, expect she’s cooking his daughter or son in her womb. The only thing that really annoys me now are the aches and pains, especially in my hips! It feels like I’m being pulled apart by horses at times, but I just get on with it, I don’t declare I’m in pain or demand everyone stops what their doing so they can tend to my every need!

Although, I am worried that I’m not myself anymore, appearance wise. I’ve always been the kind of woman that’s not scared to try a new hair colour or get another piercing because someone dared you or said they think you’d suit it. Now, I have black hair and I’ve had to take all my piercings out.
Next I’ll be dressing like a ‘soccer mom’ cut my hair into a shoulder length bob and dye it a mousy brown whilst I saunter around in long sleeved tops and a Michelin Man puffer jacket, and then before you know it I’ll own a pair of crocs…
I know I can’t get pierced or tattooed whilst pregnant, I wouldn’t put my little growing baby at risk like that, but this will be the longest I haven’t been tattooed for in about 2 years, and it’s true what they say, it is very addictive!

My scan is only 8 days away! I am so, so excited! My mum and my boyfriend will both be there, getting to see baby for the first time and hear its heart beat.
Of course I will not have a clue what I’m looking at, not one bit, the sonographer will point it out to me, I’ll happily smile and nod, but in my head I’ll be screaming ‘what is that!? What am I looking at!?’ And the tears I’ll be crying may seem like tears of joy, but they’ll be tears of ‘I can’t even see my own baby, I’m already a bad mother’ hopefully I’ll turn round to see my boyfriend with a clueless look on his face so I can sigh a sigh of relief!
I hope I’m not the only pregnant woman that feels this way and please don’t think I’m evil, but I really want him to cry at the scans and at the birth…I just think it’s lovely when dads get choked up about their baby’s! Whenever I watch shows like one born every minute, it never phases me when people cry, but as soon as the dads cry I’m an absolute mess!

Note to self: Do not watch One Born Every Minute unless you want to seriously shit your pants and get into a panicked frenzy.

That’s another thing, I’d quite like a water birth, but if I poop in labour, I’ll never hear the end of it from my fella, I know he’ll try and keep a calm face and pretend it didn’t happen, but inside he’ll be hysterically laughing whilst screaming “she just shat herself and it was a floater”
I know it’s common for a woman’s bowl to be a bit loose whilst she’s pushing and straining and one might pop out but hopefully the only ‘popping out’ I’ll be doing is the baby.

I should really get up now, I’ve been laid here for half an hour waiting for my nausea to pass when I know fine well it only properly goes when I have something to eat. I should also get sorted for work. More drawing of designs and mentally preparing myself to tattoo people.
So much is happening in my life right now, I’m following my dreams and passion, I have the most wonderful, perfect boyfriend who’s going to be the most amazing father and I’m growing a little baby in my belly, I am severely happy, happier than I’ve ever been!

Midwifes: Bloodsuckers of the medical world.

As of tomorrow i am 12 weeks pregnant, it feels like the weeks are flying by! It’s slightly unnerving in way, in no time i’ll be massive hippo waiting for my waters to break and praying to god i don’t go over my due date and be a raging mass of angry pregnant woman hormones, but, at the same time, it’s so exciting. In 11 days time i go for my dating scan, i’ll actually be able to see for the first time, my little growing baby with my boyfriend at my side.

Wednesday was my first appointment with the midwife. For any of you that don’t know, the first appointment with your midwife is basically where you go to get prodded and poked, get a wee sample pot thrust upon you asked a lot of questions about diseases you’d never heard of and if you have a family history of them and have a gallon of blood stolen from you.
Now, i’m a girl who can happily sit for 5 hours and have a tattoo needle have it’s way with her skin, show me a single needle that’s going to take my blood and i will without a doubt freak out and have a mild panic attack, which is exactly what happened. I got through it by wincing and pretending i was in a happier place.
When me and my midwife were going through all the paper work and i was having to sign things, before the dotted line it said ‘mothers signature’ that was such a bizarre thing to me! None of this has all properly settled and sank in yet and i almost turned to my mum who was with me to tell her to sign the form and then i realised, that’s me, i’m the mother, such a scary and lovely feeling all at once. 
All the scariness and blood taking was worth it when my boyfriend showed up at my house with a bunch of flowers for me! (not being good with surprises i ran away all embarrassed and shy)

I wrote in my last post about my tattoo apprenticeship, which is going great. The artist and his wife have took me under their wing and are so supportive of my pregnancy. I’m 100% dedicated to start tattooing asap, and my boss is too. I’ve sold more than £200 worth of my belongings to buy my tattooing equipment and machines etc. (including my very beloved Xbox) The sooner i start tattooing, the sooner i can start earning money towards baby and his/her new home.

My nausea seems to have buggered off quite nicely, it only really hits first thing on a morning when i first wake up so i just lay there hating life for a while whilst is passes. There’s no more violent dashes to the bathroom to empty my stomach contents, there’s just aches, so.many.aches. My energy seems to be dipping too, so i just feel like a constant bore that just wants to lay in bed and be a slob. 
Excited to be like a newborn puppy when i hit my second trimester though, hopefully i’ll feel a bit more like myself again and not a stroppy, moany, annoying thing who’s hormones are giving her skin like a teenager.

11 weeks down, too many to go.

This week has been full of many ups and downs. There’s been fall outs, tantrums and sulking but there’s also been romance, cuteness and a new job!

Wow, i thought doing this weekly would be a lot easier, but now i’m sat here my brain is scattered and not sure what to pick first, the weeks events just sprawled over my brain. 

Hmmm

Okay, let’s begin with the bad stuff, we’ll get that out of the way. 
I’ve been super tired this week, seriously, to my pregnant women out there, how much do you want to scream when someone says ‘ohhhh i’m so tired’…But we don’t scream, we glare, glare like we were capable of burning holes into that persons face with our eyes. I’ve never known exhaustion like it, i’m not sure how i still functioned at times, i felt like shutting down and curling up on the floor on the spot.
“i couldn’t care less if i was walking around the town centre, i want a nap and i want it now”
That’s how you feel, essentially, like a really old cat.
So with the tiredness of course comes the grouchiness, i’ve been awful to a lot of people this week without even meaning to or realizing at times, it’s like i get possessed by some tiny little pregnant demon for 5 minutes and it causes havoc among my friends and family. 
I’ve also been getting quite depressed, but i think that’s just due to the exhaustion. At times i don’t feel myself and for my boyfriend, i think that’s the hardest thing for him. 
He fell in love with an energetic, idiotic, bubbly, laid back girl who’d be constantly running around and getting hyper like a small yappy puppy and now he’s stuck with a tired, boring, negative little cow bag and it makes me so sad to know i’m being that way because of my pregnancy and hormones he got super fed up last night and i can understand why, i know it’s hard for him when i’m being this way and i wish i could be that same girl but we pregnant gals all know how hard it is to feel ‘normal’ when you’re so tired from doing nothing, that’s the worst part, you just get tired, like you’ve just sprinted up Everest and then back flipped down, then done a victory lap just for shits and giggles. All this is so hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have a uterus!! I don’t know how many times i’ve said “i wish you could feel how i’m feeling and get in my head”
And this is where i get cheesy and soppy again guys, so apologies! You may skip this part if you’re easily nauseated.

I just wish i could apologise for every time i’ve been awful to my boyfriend lately, i do, i wish i could do everything for him like he does for me, even just the tiniest of things make me still fall in love with him even more. He’s the best guy in the world to me and i haven’t been showing that lately, he’ll tell me i have, but i know that i haven’t. I know it’s been really hard on him and it’s always because he doesn’t know what to do to make it better for me, not because i’m being a right awful twat. How sweet is that? He thinks i don’t know that, but i do. He sometimes reads this as well so i hope that put a smile on his face! I just wish there was something i could do to make everything up to him and make him realise that the girl he fell in love with is still in there, she’s just been eaten by a pregnant monster that makes her grumpy!

You may all look back now, sorry again! But that boy means the world to me, so when i don’t feel like we’re anything other than perfect, it makes me a tad upset.

On a brighter note, i am now a working pregnant lady! Got myself another apprenticeship in a local tattoo studio! The guy that owns it is pretty confident that i’ll be tattooing within a month if i get cracking which is so, so exciting! I won’t be able to tattoo myself for obvious reasons so i’m gonna be dragging in all my friends as guinea pigs. It’s very exciting and i’m going to be so happy that we’re going to have extra money for baby. I didn’t like the thought of my boyfriend being the sole provider, it’s not the 40’s! I wanna get out there and do the thing i’m passionate about and love. I’m excited to start drawing again too! I know it may get difficult once i start getting big but the guy that owns the studio was very understanding of my situation and said i could have the time if i need it to have my lazy pregnant days, which is brilliant (i may abuse that closer to my due date, but who can blame a girl!?)

Apologies for this post not being, well, any good. I’m tired, hungry and my boyfriend is freaking out playing his football game on the PlayStation so it’s hard to concentrate when it sounds like there’s a football hooligan sat next to me screaming and blaming the players for being shit.

Blubbering and Birthday’s.

Today is my boyfriends birthday.
Hooray for being a year closer to the mid 20’s babe!
He said he didn’t want me to buy him anything, so i done the sneaky thing and made him something. I made him a little memory book that contained lots of cut up photos and stuff i’ve kept in a memory box throughout our relationship, all decorated with cute, sentimental things i knew he’d love from a craft store. The look on his face when he got to read it and faff around with it was worth more than anything money could of bought. I even left a page at the back for baby when the little thing get’s here, he adored it. I also spent a good 3-4 hours in a kitchen that had no window and no fan making him a roast pork dinner, because i’m just that nice. Safe to say i am now exhausted. 
I’ve told my boyfriend that he doesn’t have to keep to his ‘I won’t drink whilst you’re pregnant’ promise for tonight. He’s going out shortly with his friends.
In a way i wish i could go out with him and revert back to the days where i’d knock back double vodkas like they were water and dance until i could dance no more, but then another part of me is telling me to be a bore, stay in and watch a crappy film whilst spooning a pillow.
Anyways, that was the Birthday, now onto the blubbering….

Where to start?
I’ve been a complete mess today, even if i thought about a puppy i could probably sob for a good 5 minutes and then cry silently for another good 2 hours. It’s terrifying not being in control of your emotions! It could be the most inappropriate time in the world to shed a few, but your pregnant brain won’t care, it’ll look down on you whilst laughing a sadistic laugh and throw emotions at you like huge tear shaped spears. That happened to me this morning, at 4am. My boyfriends room mate came in from a night of heavy drinking, he was being extremely loud and woke the both of us up, it took us an hour and a half to fall back to sleep, partly because it was light outside, but most likely because i was laid there crying, either because of exhaustion or something else, either way, i could not stop! I ended up giving myself a nosebleed too, which only made me cry more. I was a blubbering, sniffly, snotty mess and i had no control over it whatsoever. I think i eventually done what a baby does and cried so much it wore me out and i drifted off.
I also had another crying spell, but this one hit harder and it was totally my fault, which pissed me off even more because now i only have myself to blame for the state i got myself into. 
I was just casually browsing the web until i came across a video that was a military reunion video. If you don’t know what they are, it’s when soldiers that are bravely fighting for their country who have been away for a long time, come home to their family’s. There’s always some kind of song playing over the video that immediately makes you do your ‘pre cry face’ (we all have one, and they’re all ugly, admit it) and sure enough, my ‘pre’ face turned into a full on face melting disaster within seconds, i was just laid there sobbing my little heart out and saying ‘i cant cope’, my boyfriend walks in the room wondering what the fuck is going on whilst i’m laid there clutching my phone and have a face full of runny make up.

I can only imagine that its all emotionally downhill from here, i’m only 10 weeks so my hormones aren’t even at full rage mode yet, i dread to think what will happen when they are. In my head it’s a kind of Godzilla like affair. 

I think i’m going to start making this blog a weekly thing. I run out of things to say pretty quickly and i’d like to keep you all entertained and not bore you with the same old moaning. Gotta keep the moaning fresh!

Pregnancy, panicking and me.

Everything is becoming so much more real now. I got a little post card type thing in the post today that had information on private healthcare scans and the different types they offer, i looked at it and it just hit me, that i am in fact going to have a baby and that i’ll be going for scans and check ups and prenatal classes and everything of the sort. Of course i knew all of this previously, but it hadn’t really started to hit home until today as it wasn’t planned and everything until now has felt like some kind of hazy dream. I’m going to, in the next few weeks, going to start ‘showing’ and to be honest with you all, i’m having a little freak out session whilst i’m writing this.

Right now my little guy or gal is 22mm! That is so tiny! My ears have been stretched bigger than that….and that just baffles my head. It’s vital organs are there and they’re going to start to function, that’s just insane that something so small is already, well, alive! It’s just waiting to grow and i’m it’s little nest in which it’s going to do that. I’m 2 days away from being 10 weeks pregnant, that’s 2 weeks off 3 months and then i only have another 6 to go and then before you know it BAM, baby. 
I’m definitely freaking out…
I know i’m going to be fine and everything will be just dandy, but there is just so much to worry about, even the tiniest things, i’ll be chewing my nails off over it, i guarantee you.

In 3 weeks time i’ll be in my second trimester (i think i’m going to start calling them crymester’s, i’ve been so emotional lately and it’s probably only going to get worse, again, thank you hormones!) and would of already had my first scan to see how little one is doing, i know this all sounds and seems so exciting, but why am i just worrying and getting so worked up over it? I shouldn’t be like this, should i? I know it’s probably something like ‘first time mum jitters’ but i’ve always been maternal, i’ve always loved baby’s and children and i’ve already changed my fair share of nappy’s because i’ve grew up with baby’s in my family so it’s not like i don’t know what to expect. I’ve always thought i’d be constantly skipping down a rainbow road filled with butterflies and smiles when i was pregnant, but now that it’s here, the thing i’ve been looking forward to for quite some time, i’m just panicking. 
I’m hoping it goes away soon, i know i usually don’t post things as serious as this, and it must be affecting me more than i thought if i am…

Maybe once the nausea, heartburn, aches and tiredness ease off a bit i’ll feel a lot more positive. I just hope it doesn’t make me a bad person that i am feeling this way, it’s just harder than i thought to deal with the emotions, hormones and everything else that comes a long with it, in relation to my previous post, no one and nothing can prepare you for pregnancy, not even in the slightest, which is even more scary in a way…

The things no one tells you about your first 12 weeks

Okay, so of course you get the run down from the women in your life who’ve went through pregnancy and so on, but they just jabber on about your basic stuff, like morning sickness and going to the toilet more etc. They don’t go into detail, or WARN you. 
What you should get, immediately after knowing you’re pregnant, some form of manual should just appear in front of you, just materialise right there with a cute reassuring chime. In this manual it will go into every gruesome and in depth detail about every aspect of pregnancy, all of the stuff that you really didn’t or don’t want to know will be in that book, a week by week horror story of what you don’t – and never want to – expect when you’re expecting.

I imagine the first few pages would be a disclaimer warning about how not to read it if you’re squeamish or simply want to stay ignorantly bliss to the whole pregnant affair.
Obviously the first annoying thing that kinda kicks in with pregnancy in the early days is morning sickness, yes, people tell you about this, they let you in on the fact that it’s a terrible thing, but you get the “it’s fine, it passes”…They don’t warn you that morning sickness differs from woman to woman, some women don’t even get it at all (gonna go on record as saying that you ladies are lucky, very lucky, you’re not even aware of what you’re not missing out on) but then there’s the women who’s lives are severely altered by sickness during pregnancy, who i feel terribly sorry for. My sickness can range from ‘this aint so bad, i can totally eat’ to ‘oh my god, why does this child hate me and want me to starve to death’. I have good days, i have bad days. On the bad days you’ll find me running to the bathroom like there was a goldmine in there, or sometimes i can be found staring at the open fridge making a ‘urghmeh’ kinda face at every bit of food in there because my appetite was flushed away along with whatever baby didn’t fancy sharing that day, or maybe i’ll be laying around moaning that i’m hungry but i don’t know what i want (my boyfriend loves it when i do that, he also loves it when he tries to help by suggesting food he knows i like and i tell him NO on everything)
I think that has been my biggest annoyance so far, not being able to eat normally. I am so excited to have my appetite back! You’ll find me skipping round a supermarket like i was a child at Disneyland, i’ll be throwing anything and everything in the trolley and eating it all in the same day and no one can stop me!

Another thing that would be contained in this miraculous, magical manual is how tired and achy you get. Seriously, why did no one warn me!? I could have the worlds best nights sleep and wake up feeling fresh as a daisy and then within 2 hours i’m dragging my lifeless corpse along the floor and in need of an energy boost that i would usually obtain by having an energy drink, but i can’t do that now, so i have no idea how to get an energy boost when i’m not eating as much as i should, because i can’t and i’m not allowed drinks containing too much caffeine etc. It’s not just a ‘yawn, i’m sleepy’ kinda tired either, it’s the moody, irritable kinda tired, the kind i imagine my unborn child will showcase quite often. At the moment i’m laid in bed listening to some chilled out music whilst my boyfriend is in the other room playing the Playstation with his room mate, i left because i simply could not be bothered to socialise any longer and i could feel myself getting ratty, i stood up like a grumpy teenager, slumped my way to the door and said “i feel like shit, i’m gonna go lie down and sulk” could i of been any more of a twonk? Sigh.
Onto the aches…Right now, it feels like my hips and pelvis are being pulled apart by horses, little, tiny horses that have little, tiny evil jockeys that have some form of vendetta against me and no matter how much i apologise, they don’t care. It just feels like i have growing pains all over, my back, my knees, my hips, my feet, my legs…I’m not sure if that’s to do with my pregnancy or the fact that i followed my boyfriend round town for what felt like a lifetime whilst he tried on smart clothes for his job. I now know what it feels like to be a male when we go shopping, and fella’s, we’re sorry! In fact, no, i’m not one of those women, i’m a ‘lets go in this shop, oh that’s nice, gonna go to the till, done, let’s eat’ woman, so i’ll just apologise on behalf of the other women, because what i experienced today was something no one should have to go through without some form of prize at the end…I’m still waiting for mine.

If i have a daughter, when she’s old enough or thinking of having children of her own, i will show her this blog. She’ll either laugh in my face and call me a moany cow bag or she’ll never give me grandchildren…We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it though.

I know i must seem like the most negative person in the world to you all and i must seem like the most ungrateful person to have ever fallen pregnant, but i can promise you i’m not. This is my place to get all of this out of me, to have my winge and then carry on being excited. I can’t even tell you how much i’m looking forward to meeting my son or daughter for the first time and seeing who it resembles the most and what little features of it’s dad it has, how excited i am to hear it’s laugh for the first time, to see that first gummy smile and just feel my baby’s closeness when i give it an insane amount of hugs! So don’t worry guys, this baby is going to be so, so loved, but you can bet your arses i’m gonna have a mighty good moan along the way! 

Apologies

Haven’t posted here in a few days, there was no wifi and no 3G where I stayed, which was amazing if I’m honest. No distractions, no interruptions, just me and him. We had so many adventures and so many cute times. Baby had to remind us it existed of course by giving me bad nausea the entire time. My boyfriend wanted to go somewhere nice and romantic for a meal one night, I kindly replied no from the toilet I was hugging. It did upset me that we couldn’t do as much as we liked because I was either nauseous or too tired, but chilling in a not too hot hot tub was never a bad way to relax.

Think I’ve gotten to the point in my pregnancy where I feel awful about myself. My skin is breaking out quite badly (thank you hormones) and I just don’t feel nice anymore. Everything I wear is uncomfortable, no amount of make up or hair tweaking can make me feel remotely pretty. All this, in turn, is affecting my mood. It’s not nice for anyone to feel like a troll and know that they’re gonna to resemble a hippo in a few short months. All this teamed with nausea and feeling run down and exhausted for no reason at all, is not good, ladies.

My boyfriend has a week off work now, it’s his birthday on Saturday so he’s having a ‘birthday week’ which consists of being lazy and pregnant with me. We’re currently slobbing it and playing the PS3. I adore spending time with him, I can just feel myself getting ratty and hormonal and I’m annoying myself by being a terrible grump. I may just be having an off day. Here’s to hoping!

Oh My

Apologies for not posting anything yesterday, but it was not a good pregnant day. My hormones and mood were the worst they’ve been so far and i hope it doesn’t happen again, because it was just dreadful. I felt like there was a little tiny Hulk brewing in the pit of my stomach and i was about to explode into “PREGNANT WOMAN, SMASH!” mode and just go on a terrifying hormonal rampage. I soon simmered down once i got to see my boyfriend. We didn’t get in from seeing family and running errands until around 10pm though and i was just so tired and he was as hyper as a little puppy. I suppose it was practice for when little one gets here, hopefully i’ll have the patience of a saint by then! 

Today is a very exciting day! In a few short hours (5 to be exact) me and my handsome man are going to be on our way to enjoy a weekend away in a private lodge with a four poster bed and it’s own hot tub (which i’ve just read i can’t use unless the temperature is at or below 100 Fahrenheit, here’s to hoping it’s temperature controlled!) Needless to say i can’t wait to relax and make plenty more memories with Mr. Perfect. We’re going to be in the middle of the country, which means plenty of cute long walks and adventuring! 
Now that i’m almost packed i’m going to have a well earned pregnant nap and then get ready. 
I am one happy girl.

Things and Stuff

I’d like to start this post by saying thank you. I’ve got 10 followers now! I imagine all you big wigs with millions of followers have just snorted and chortled and then un-followed 10 people just to prove a point, but seriously, when I started this blog, I imagined I’d just be writing for myself, I didn’t think anyone would want to keep up with my waffling on, tangents and moaning, but 10 of you do! This is my own little personal place where I can rant and just be honest about how I’m feeling about everything and it truly is my little pregnant escape, so the fact that the 10 of you are supporting that and want to know what my next big wingeathon is gonna be is awesome!
So again, thank you!

Now, I’d just like to give you all a rundown of the things and stuff I’m not looking forward to during pregnancy, apart from the obvious! Of course all women have to go through the aches and pains and hormonal craziness that can set you off crying because you can’t find your other sock. And of course, there’s the weight gain and hippo feet and trying your best to eat right even though all you want to do is throw your face into all your old favourite foods and inhale them without chewing, but of course you can’t, because all your favourite foods are the ones that don’t stay down.
Anyway! Lets start with the scan, the first one, I am, obviously, so excited to get my first scan and see how this little rascal is doing, but trying to figure out what it is your looking at and what part of the black and grey image is baby is like deciphering hieroglyphics! And then you have to go round and show your friends and family and attempt to point out the baby to THEM whilst still puzzling over it yourself. Hopefully the lady doing the scan will clearly point it out to me and then circle it in red marker, otherwise the kid doesn’t have a chance of being found. It’s be like a game of where’s Waldo, womb style.

Then there’s the part where people are going to be lunging at me to grope my stomach because I have the smallest bit if a bump. I’m not really a fan of having people I don’t really know feeling me up like I’m a prized dog at Crufts. I don’t want to be rubbed like I’m a lucky Buddha, I don’t want people constantly asking me the same cliche questions that i should probably be rehearsing. I know that there are positives to all of these things I’m moaning about, but we’ll cross these bridges when we come to them.

There’s also the fact that at some point in the coming months, I’m going to lose my ability to bend over. Instead I’ll either have to get myself into some pregnant woman twister position to retrieve my dropped object, leave it where it lies, ask for help or just stand and cry over the fact I can’t do something for myself. But of course, being the person I am and being able the laugh at myself very well, I imagine I’d just be stood twisting and contorting myself like a professional gymnast (that is heavily pregnant) and just howling and cackling like there’s no tomorrow, whether it be at home or in a supermarket. I also know for a fact that my boyfriend will allow me to try and do it for myself, just for the humour of it, he’d give up when he got bored, pick said item up from the floor, call me daft and give me a kiss.

I could carry on for quite some time, but it’s breakfast time and me and my brother are going to cook up a feast, although I doubt I’ll be eating any of it…